Anonymous Turmoiler: Coming Out To Unsupportive Parents & Subsequent Holiday Dread

My family has always been close; we always had so much fun together.

Now being 24 years old and thinking about how much my life has changed, I look at the holidays with this internal dread because I can either choose to not go home and miss out; or I can choose to go home and struggle with whether or not I should stuff the fact that I’m gay into a tiny box for the time being, only to unpack it all when I can retreat back to the safety of my own apartment 300 miles away. 

I came out to my conservative Christian family three years ago.

One might say I more so, “fell out,” of the closet, because I couldn’t hide it anymore. While freeing myself of the weight of my 21-year-old secret felt good, the storm that followed was something I was not prepared for. My parents spent hours upon hours reading bible passages with me, reading books about how to get back on “Gods” path, and asking me to speak with a therapist from Texas about correcting unhealthy behaviors. They took the car away, any financial support I had, and my house key. My Mom packed my suitcase over Thanksgiving break that year and told me to leave because I had spent too much time with my girlfriend at the time. It was a lot… I really needed them to be there for me, but they were unable to support me in the ways they should have.

Fast forward to today, I wish I could say things are better…but not a lot has changed.

My parents haven’t changed their views on having a gay daughter. We fight about whether I’ll ever be able to bring a girlfriend, or eventually a wife, to their home. The only thing that’s really changed is that I have become more confident in myself. I have friends outside family that love and support me for who I am. I actively date, and while I may not make the best choices, I get to laugh about those mistakes openly and learn from them. I make it a point to continuously challenge my parents views, and let them know that this is who I am. They can take it or leave it. It’s something I struggle with every day, but I refuse to feel shame for being who I am. 

I guess I’m writing this because if you’re in a similar situation, I want you to know you are NOT alone.

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Find a support network. Choose to surround yourself with people who love you for you. Most importantly, protect yourself. I spent last holiday season finding support through online blogs and websites from people going through similar situations, and now I can offer that same support to you. Keep going.