Anonymous Turmoiler: Fear of the Unknown

The biggest source of turmoil for me right now is the unknown.

I constantly find myself worrying about the future and am unable to live in the moment. People think that their early 20's is a time to let loose and enjoy the early days of freedom, a time to make mistakes and laugh about them later, to be spontaneous and irrational. It’s supposed to be the time to experiment with and learn about the complexities of life, to travel the world and appreciate every new experience that pops up along the way.

For me, I'm constantly thinking about where I will be in 10 years, rather than being fully present.

It consumes my thoughts and affects every aspect of my life- at work, with my friends, with my boyfriend, with my family. I find myself wondering about next steps in my career path and searching for new opportunities, even though I have no plans to leave my job anytime soon. I'm always thinking about and hoping my friendships and relationships will last forever, even though I know it's typical for people to lose touch, develop different interests and land on different pages in life. I’m terrified of losing the relationships I value most or realizing I've ended up surrounding myself with people who don't make me happy- or even worse, ending up completely by myself.

The worst part about this is that when I think about where I am in life, it’s exactly where I want to be.

I love my job and how quickly I’ve advanced in the company. I feel great about my relationships and I try to prioritize my time with people who make me the happiest. My calendar is filled with new and exciting adventures and trips in the upcoming months, from vacations, to holidays, to work events. Even though I have a bunch of amazing things going for myself, I'm constantly brought back to that initial turmoil of what comes next, what is going to go wrong and when.