How to Heal Your Relationship with Food 101

People who “eat to live” are the reason I have trust issues. Sure, I know, food is fuel… *eye roll*. But for many, food can be tricky. We use it to celebrate, show affection, and even mourn the loss of others. Above all, food is emotional. I struggled with disordered eating for over ten years, and I’m still working hard every damn day at recovery. Along the way, I’ve picked up a few recovery life hacks that may help you in your journey.

Tell Someone

The reason that issues with food are so brutal is because they’re incredibly isolating. You can be a total “yes girl” on the outside: glowing, fun and effervescent — but on the inside, you’re anxious and worried about food 99% of the time. I delayed my recovery for so long because I didn’t tell anyone — I felt like I could handle it myself — until I realized that I couldn’t.

The first person I told was my nutritional therapist, Molly.

I found her on Instagram and thought “well, she looks approachable.” With a nervous pit in my stomach, I closed my eyes and sent a quick email to set up a call. When we first talked, she asked, “So, tell me what’s going on?” and it was as if the floodgates had opened. All of my pent up feelings and anxiety around food came out all at once, like total word vomit.

And after I told her everything, I felt weightless.

In fact, I was light as a GD feather. Of course it didn’t dissolve all my issues with food, but telling someone was the catalyst that evoked the most change in my recovery journey. The reason telling someone is so powerful is two-fold: first, it relieves the pressure on you to hold all that pain and suffering inside (you’re only one person! That’s a lot of emotional weight to carry around). Second, it keeps you accountable, recovery-wise. Now that someone else knows, they’ll be able to support you in times where you’d normally relapse alone.

I’d recommend confiding in someone who cares about you: a friend, your parents or your significant other. The goal in telling someone is not for their advice — honestly, they probably won’t know what the hell to say. Yes, it’ll probably feel awkward. The true power in telling someone is simply the cathartic nature of releasing a secret you’ve been holding onto for so long. Let that shit GO.

Work with a Professional

Working with a professional seemed like something that people with “real issues” did — not me. But once I began working with Molly, I started to see all of my issues in a different light. I was almost mad at myself for not reaching out sooner!

I know what you’re thinking: “Ali, I just did the scariest thing of my life and told my best friend about my eating issues. Now you want me to reach out for professional help?! You cray?” Yes aaaand yes. While telling your friends or family about your issues may seem like enough, a professional will know the right questions to ask to help you get to the root of the problem. (Because after all, it’s never just about the food).

To find the right therapist for you, NEDA has an awesome search tool on their site that makes it super easy. A simple “eating disorder therapist in [insert your city here]” is never a bad way to go, either.

Don’t get discouraged if the first person you reach out to isn’t the right fit. It may take a few therapists before you find YOUR PERSON. Be patient and don’t fall victim to thoughts like “this isn’t for me.”

Desire for Recovery > Desire to be Thin

In the first phase of my recovery, I thought I wanted recovery. But the truth was, I still really wanted to be thin. And when you’re in a disordered mindset, I don’t know that it’s possible to have both. You know when you’re half-assing something, and wondering why you’re not getting amazing results? Yeah — that was me.

Most days, I didn’t want to recover.

It was out of my comfort zone and gaining weight felt terrifying. But I realized that even more terrifying was my mindset around food, and made a commitment to myself that instead of chasing “the perfect body,” I’d chase recovery. And that made all the difference.

If you find yourself questioning “why am I doing this?” then you are on the right path! Sure, recovery will push you outside your comfort zone, but without change there is no growth. Recovery isn’t linear: there will be ups and downs! But the freed up headspace around food, the ability to enjoy a meal without calculating every gram — it’s all worth it.