Anonymous Turmoiler: Dating App Delirium

Every night when I lay in bed before I go to sleep, I reach for my phone to numb my mind from my busy day. 

Through the hustle and bustle of NYC, it’s crazy to think that loneliness can still creep over me. But it’s only at times like this—the weeknights—when the hobby of mindless scrolling on social media, turns into a spiral of sadness because of other people’s happiness. It all seems so backwards. I’ll open up the organized little folder that my iPhone decides to call, by default, “lifestyle apps”(…whatever that means), and swipe left. And again, swipe left, swipe left, swipe left, meh- swipe right I guess, swipe left. Conversations end faster than they begin. And even when you think it’s going well it fizzles out to nothing. So eventually I give up and fall asleep with my phone on my pillow next to me. 

Without fail, I see the adorable couple on my walk to work the next day with their perfect baby and dog. I have the ever-familiar pit in my stomach. 

When is that going to be me? What if I never get to that point in life? Without fail, on my commute to work, I find myself on two trains—the subway and the swiping train. I inspect every profile. Where does he work? Does he make a lot of money? Because these things are just so pertinent considering I HAVE NEVER MET THIS PERSON BEFORE AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HIM OR IF WE ARE EVEN COMPATIBLE… 

Luckily, I am able to catch myself. And be reminded of the superficiality of the dating world we live in.

Aside from the dating apps, we have to deal with deciphering text messages, because nothing comes across the way it’s supposed to. Or how about the fact that an opened, un-replied snapchat is enough to cloud your thinking for an entire day? It is all such a complicated game. And if you play your cards right you just might end up happy. But in the meantime, I guess us 20 something-year-olds just have to keep braving the dating app storm.