Anonymous Turmoiler: Is It OK To Be Alone?

There had been several moments in my short life where I've thought "this has got to be rock bottom."

If only I could go back and tell myself then what I know now. I'm a 23-year-old young professional who attends grad school part time. I moved to a brand new city earlier in the year to pursue my #careergoals and felt that nothing could get in my way. I was closer to my friends, only 2 hours away from my parents, and in a beautiful apartment. And just when I was basking in my glory, it all seemed to fade.

Shortly after moving, during my morning commute to work I was involved in a pretty serious car accident where I was hit from behind and got a concussion.

I was out of work at the job I had just started for over a week, and—as someone with already diagnosed anxiety—this weighed heavy on my fears that my new job would see me as a slacker. After I recovered, I was recommend for a new position at a higher paying job to do what I thought would be in the same line of work. But it turned out to be just a glorified receptionist position with more money. I guess no one can complain about more money. And then, just as I was settling in to my new job, I found out I would be getting a new boss. Waayy too much new for me.

The week after that, my roommates decided to break our lease agreement, and sublet out their rooms in my apartment.

While this was legally their right, I felt like everything was totally wrong. One of these girls was supposed to be my best friend, and I was not only losing a roommate but a friend. The situation had brought us totally apart. The burden of finding the new sublet was left on my shoulders, as well as the burden of sprucing up every inch of our apartment for house tours and FaceTime interviews for potential subletters.

On top of it all, last night I had to go to the Emergency Room for fainting and getting sick at work. Alone.

My parents were already away on a vacation. I am an only child with no siblings, and being new at my job, I had no co-workers to go with. My friends all offered to drive the hour to where I was located but it being a work night, we all knew no one could come down. I work about 20 miles from my apartment, and I was far away from any sense of home.

I've been to the ER before, but never alone. I was in a strange area. I was scared.

I was alone.

I sat in the waiting room alone.

I laid in my ER bed alone.

I dealt with my problems alone.

When they figured out what had caused my fainting and sickness, the doctor gave me medicine with drowsiness as a side effect. Her question to me was "Do you have anyone who can pick you up?" to which I calmly responded, "No, I'm sorry.” She explained if I felt sleepy I would have to call an Uber or cab to take me home, and I should really check if someone could pick me up.

I explained again that it was just me, I was 23 and ok with being alone right now, and that I just wanted the medicine to help ME get better. Luckily I didn't get the drowsy side effects and made it home safely to my apartment at 2:00 am and a prescription for Vertigo medication. I woke up to loving calls and texts from friends and family, worried about how I'd feel about being alone. 

I am ok. I was ok. And I will be ok.

If I can handle this alone, there is nothing else I cannot handle alone. In the midst of cuffing season, snuggly Instagram posts, and a world encouraging us to pair off, I realized before we can be ok with ANYONE else, we need to be able to FULLY take care of ourselves. Alone. I know I'm not really alone—I have a family and friends. I know all these people care about me. Plus, I have a job, a roof over my head, a bed, and most importantly, the ability to be ok when I am alone.

Is it really that terrible to be alone? Maybe sometimes. Does it always have to be? Maybe not.