Anonymous Turmoiler: According To Plan

We all make plans.

Some more thoroughly and consistently than others. I have always been a planner - desiring to have my life mapped out in front of me with no hiccups or detours - smooth sailing. Although life has taught me time and time again that this is merely a fleeting fantasy, I have hung on to planning even if it has proven to bring me pain or disappointment. My plan - to be married, to find a lasting companion, to build a life I have always dreamed of - came crashing down in waves this past year.

I am 28 years old and unsure of what is ahead.

I have watched all of my friends find love, get married, and begin to have children. I have stood by their sides drinking from penis straws at their bachelorettes, holding bouquets of wild spring flowers at their weddings, and accompanying them to fertility appointments.

I have consistently questioned - When will it be my turn? When will I get to experience the happiness they have? When will my life and heart feel complete? And here is the wicked truth...

After being in a relationship for over four years…

…feeling within reach of the commitment and life-long promises I have always longed for, telling myself that "this is it", and watching it fall apart at the seams with lies and deceit - I have figured out that this life is not meant to be lived according to plan.

And sometimes it takes letting go of the picture in our minds to truly find what is most worthwhile - to find the self-love that make our ideals worth sacrificing and bring us closer to where true happiness lies.

If your life is not going according to plan, trust this: it is.